March

Sierra was silly and in great spirits while waiting for her surgery!

Since she was already being a goof they recommended that we didn't give her the "happy juice" prior to her surgery. 

She did not like the provided outfit!

 

Silly but still nervous.  Both of us.

So hard to watch your baby be wheeled away.

The recovery room was ROUGH.  When they got the pain under control she slept.

 

Flowers and a giant balloon from Grandma and PopPop

Just a few days after surgery... ready to play!

Garden season is here.  These guys are so helpful :)

It's March!  Surgery month.  I've been trying everything to keep Sierra healthy but 10 days before surgery she ended up on an antibiotic for bronchitis.  Only the second time on an antibiotic in her life and luckily it was just once a day for 5 days.  I decided to keep her home the three days before surgery because I wanted her healthy.  Her cough went away and she ended up re-cooperating in time.  Saying that I was a nervous wreck is putting it mildly.  I somehow managed to put on a brave face for her though.  I didn't want my fear to add to her own.  She did great until a couple days before surgery when she realized it was getting close.   She had a lot of questions that I tried to answer simply, but in reality I wasn't sure of all of the answers myself.  

The younger kiddos get to have their surgeries first so we had to be at the Albany hospital early and there was only one surgery before her.  She was calm and sweet the whole ride to the hospital.  I sat in the back seat and held her hand which she thought was great.  We got checked in and waited and she charmed all of the staff.  She's just that kind of girl.  They all recommended we didn't give her the calming sedative before they took her back because she was calm, happy, and her sweet self.  They let her color and let her know what to expect, and after checking her out thoroughly, wheeled her away.  She didn't cry, but she looked scared.  I managed to hold it together.  I cannot imagine what parents go through that have children that have to go through many procedures.  It must just kill them.  

Surgery lasted about 25 minutes and they brought her to the recovery room.  I could hear her crying for me but they didn't bring her in to where we were for a while.  The first thing she said was, "You said it would be short but it wasn't.  I needed you and you weren't there."  It just about killed me.  She also cried, "I want my tonsils back!"  She was in a lot of pain and was angry about her IV, and was mad at me.  She didn't want me to talk or touch her.  I smiled.  Because that's just not her.  And I know that.  It took quite a while to get the pain under control and once it was, she slept for a little bit.  They told me she would probably puke and that she would sleep a lot.  Neither of those things happened.  After she woke up and wasn't hurting so bad we headed home.  She sang to the songs on the radio and stayed awake the whole way.  I just stared at her because it was not at all what I expected.

The told us the most important thing was to keep up on pain meds and keep her hydrated.  The poor girl didn't want to swallow her own spit and went through a box of Kleenex instead.  So getting her to drink took effort but she is old enough to know that it's important.  She stayed awake the whole day and even managed to play for a bit several times when her meds would first kick in.  She was sweet and grateful but when she would really start hurting, she'd get mad.  Everything I did during those moments made her mad.  She reminded me so much of her daddy.  I took care of him after his surgery and hospital stays and sure do remember!

She ate a bunch of boiled egg whites and some sherbet and she passed out around 7 the first night.  She woke around 11 angry and hurting and it was such a fight to get her to take her medicine at that point.  She was screaming and crying which makes a raw throat hurt worse.  Once the medicine kicked back in she slept and I woke her up at 4 to take more medicine.  Which again made her mad.  But then she slept again until around 7. 

The first two days were pretty rough.  She wasn't a fan of  the taste of the medicine and didn't like swallowing anything.  But after the 2nd day things improved dramatically.  She wanted to eat everything, wanted to play, and when I'd go to give her meds, she'd say she didn't need them.  The first time she said that I was really weary, because I wondered if she'd all of a sudden get too far past the meds and it would be horrible.  But she did fine and only needed medicine before bed and first thing in the morning.  She was a champ.  We were prepared for a good 7 days of pain and sleeping.  That's what the Dr's, hospital staff, and people that had kiddos who'd had the surgery told us to expect.  But she handled everything so well and was back to eating pretty normally on the 4th day and ended up going to town with Aunt Amy and Uncle Ben because they came to visit.  I was so nervous about it but she did great.

The amazing thing is how the second those babies came out she stopped breathing loud, snoring, and the apnea disappeared.  We could tell when she fell asleep after surgery that things were going to be very different.  Even with the pain and swelling from surgery, you could hardly hear her breathing.  One of the nurses that was in during her surgery said, "Those things were huge!  I'm surprised she could breathe!"  But really, she certainly hadn't been breathing well.  She of course had the apnea at night, but also had started keeping her mouth open a lot during the day in order to breathe better.  Poor girl.   I'm so happy we went ahead with the surgery and am looking forward to better sleep for all of us!

I also kicked the dog out of the house this month.  I was sick of having her in the house.  She's big enough to handle being outside full time now, and has done great things for my sanity.  I do get nervous about her running off, but she's such a wimp I think she will stay close to home.  I check on her frequently and so far she's always super close to the house.  She's really grown and weighs more than Jaxon now.  They are such great friends and he misses having her inside, but for the most part all they did together was get into trouble, so it's nice to have them separated.  I'm hoping that we can be healthy again for a while, Sierra will start sleeping better, the dog will be a DOG and live OUTSIDE, and my sanity will continue to improve.  Whew!

February

Puppies are awesome.

Meow!  Face painting at a friends birthday party.

Seriously.

Happy 3rd birthday, Jaxon!!!

Jess made his cake.  It turned out so great!

It tasted good too :)

These two are at the same stage in life.  A 3 year old and a puppy together = insanity.

Oops she did it again....

Working on Valentines for her classmates

The best card ever!!!

The kids are sick again so this is how we spent Valentines Day.

A sick day from school = picnic in the living room.

Sierra made it through 100 days of school minus LOADS of sick days.

He's three.  That explains it all.

Holy Moly.  We are never going to be well.  Kindergarten germs are evil.  I'm tired of sore throats, coughs, and so much snot.  We want our bed back to ourselves.  We want sleep, even just a couple of FULL nights would feel like Heaven.  Good grief.  After seeing the ENT mid month it was determined that Sierra does indeed need her tonsils removed.  We scheduled her surgery for two days before Spring Break starts.  I will be honest and say that I am absolutely terrified.  It's a routine surgery and very short and she gets to come home within hours but the thought of her getting wheeled away all by herself is making me lose more sleep, if that's even possible.

Jaxon turned three this month.  All I can say is wow.  Three is scary.  Since December Jaxon has turned into a screaming, tantrum throwing, little STINKER.  If he doesn't get his way he throws a fit, when he's hungry or full, tired, cold, hot or warm, you get the picture.  He was really sick in December and things kind of went downhill after that.  I hope it's a short phase because it is exhausting and I'm having such a hard time knowing how to handle it.  I've worked so hard for the past 5 years on not being a yeller, but there are some days when I lose that battle.  Yelling at him to quit yelling seems so ridiculous, and I know it, but my voice gets raised anyway.  Part of the time I'm yelling at the dog to stay down, don't bite, don't eat the cat poop, don't try to eat off of the table after you've eaten the cat poop, and then pretty soon I'm just yelling at everyone.  I hate it.  I don't like looking back on the day and cringing, and that's what I've been doing a lot.  But one of the things I've worked on since becoming a mommy is saying I'm sorry.  It's never been an easy thing for me.  But I want my kids to do so when they've hurt someone or done someone wrong.  And the best way to teach them how to do that is to do it myself.  So at the end of the day, when I'm cringing, and feeling exhausted and lost, I wrap them up in my arms and say I'm sorry.  I'm sorry that I raised my voice over something silly, that I hurt their feelings, that I acted before finding out the whole story, that I didn't take the time to laugh and play.  And you know what, kids are so amazing at forgiving.  Now I just need to follow THEIR example on that one.

January 2015

Frozen princess dress up day before school resumes

I hardly took any pictures this month.  We had another month of battling illnesses and Sierra has developed sleep apnea.  She's been waking up several times a night and all of a sudden I discovered that she quits breathing on and off all night long. It's terrifying.  Her chest sucks in, her nose flares, and she flails and gasps and breathes again for a bit and then it starts all over.  She was really sick all of December and her tonsils are giant.  So I took her to 2 different Drs and both recommended seeing an ENT.  We have an appointment scheduled for next month.  Both of the Dr's we've seen said they guessed that Sierra will need her tonsils removed.  The thought of her having surgery makes me sick to my stomach, but we've got to do something!

It's just been a rough month and here's the thing.... I'm tired.  SO tired.  I've never slept well and now like any parent of two young children and now a young puppy (Thanks Jess!) I sleep even worse.  Some days I don't know if I'm going to make it through the day without passing out from exhaustion at some point.  But I've had some revelations this month.  Some big ones.  My babies are growing up.  Quickly.  And I've had these moments of stepping back and realizing that even though they are growing up they still need me.  A lot.  And instead of being afraid of holding them too much when they were a newborn or worrying that rocking them to sleep every night would create a need for that until they were a teenager, I'm realizing that they are going to grow up and that right now, while they need me, I'm going to give in more.  And I'm going to enjoy it. 

Sierra is my firstborn and she is needy.  She has been from the second she entered the world.  Even though she is 5, she still wants me to lie with her until she goes to sleep every night, she wakes me up in the middle of the night many nights a week because she's scared or lonely, she doesn't really like it when I leave her anywhere, she still loves to be held and carried, and she needs me to walk her into class every single morning.  But she is going to grow up.  There will be a time when she doesn't come into my room in the middle of the night and whisper with her warm breath on my face, "Mommy will you come lay with me?"  There will be a day when she takes a shower and does her own thing at night and doesn't want to snuggle and talk and have me cuddle her until she falls asleep.  There will be a day when she says, "You know Mommy, I think I want to walk to class by myself."  And I'll die a little bit inside.  So.... right now, I'm going to give, even when I'm tired, even when I've had a rough day.  I'm going to give and I'm going to love it without worrying that I'm creating a dependent child that will never move out.  (Would that really be so bad?  :)

I'm going to cuddle her until she falls asleep.  It's my favorite time of day.  She talks about school, asks questions about Jesus and Heaven, tells me I'm the best mommy in the world and that she'll be my little girl forever.  I need these moments too.  I'll stumble into her room in the middle of the night and crawl into bed with her to make her feel safe without grumbling and asking, "Why can't you just stay in bed?"  To which she answered the other night in a tiny voice, "Sometimes I just need you mommy."  Well, shoot.  Yeah baby girl, I get that.  Sometimes I still need my mommy too.  And I'll get us to the school every morning, find a place to park, try to get the puppy to stay in the car while getting Jaxon out and walk her to her class so that she can have the confidence to make it through the day at school.  I'm going to keep giving because that what mommies do.  

Jaxon is at a different stage in life.  He has always been more independent.  Whether that is part of birth order or gender, I'm not sure.  I still rock him to sleep for his nap and cuddle him lots because both of my kids are super star cuddlers - but he lets Jesse put him to bed and he goes to sleep on his own.  If he wakes in the night he lets Jesse walk him back to his bed and tuck him in.  He cheerfully waves goodbye if I drop him off at his grandma's and grandpa's houses to go to the store.  But if he turns 5 and goes to school and things change, then I will do all of the same things for him.  Because the tiny little beings that I had a part in creating are growing up so stinking fast.  I can't promise that I won't complain about being tired anymore and that I won't have frustrating days where I feel tapped out, like I've given all I can.  But I'm going to keep giving and thank God every day for these beautiful creatures that he entrusted me with.  And some day when my babies are grown I know that I will not regret any of these moments of giving.

December

"Ho, Ho, Ho!"

Meet Sugar Plum (Sierra gets name credit).  Jesse slept on the floor for most of the first night because she wouldn't stop crying.

Jaxon is warming up to this little bundle pretty quickly.  When she gets tired she stops whatever she is doing and looks for someone warm to lay on.

My sweet babies who really aren't babies anymore. Sigh.

Tree decorating time!

Jaxon is having a hard time believing that the picture on the ornament is his sissy.

"Look how high I can reach mommy!"

New quilts for Christmas from Grandma Shelly (she makes them)!

Sierra made this at school (her own opinion of course)

Christmas morning!

I wish I could say that we stayed healthy for the month of December, but we didn't.  In fact there was not one day of the month that there wasn't at least one sick person in our house.  The kids had 3 different cold viruses in 4 weeks.  It was awesome.  In fact while celebrating with my family on Christmas Eve, Jaxon started acting really odd, and I realized he was running a fever.  We headed home and by the time we got there he was around 103 (Sierra had been sick the week before).  He ended up waking up Christmas morning and puking right before he opened his presents.  He's the kind of kid that has a sensitive gag reflex, and a stuffy nose can make him puke.

Jesse also decided that in the middle of winter it would be a good idea to get a new puppy.  A tiny puppy.  A four week old puppy.  It was a wonderful idea because guess who goes to work ALL day?  You know what that means, I get to train and care for a new baby, I mean puppy.  She's cute, and cuddly, but she also poops and pees A LOT.  She is like a baby and wants held most of the time and we don't have any safe place to keep her kenneled yet, so she has been going absolutely everywhere with me.  To drop Sierra off at school, to the grocery store, to get coffee.  Yes.  Coffee.  I had to break down and start drinking the stuff because I am more sleep deprived than ever.  With sick kiddos all month and a new pup, I feel like we have an infant again.  I guess we do, just a canine one.

Despite the sickness and the insanity of having a pup, we did have a lovely Christmas morning.  Christmas break was super low key.  I loved the slow paced mornings and really do love having Sierra at home.  We spent Christmas Eve with my family and it was cut short because Jaxon wasn't feeling well, but it was nice to see everyone.  Christmas morning was pretty awesome at our house.  The kids slowly opened gifts, were very thankful, and played for a little bit with each toy before they opened the next.  Sierra would open a present and then go find one of Jaxon's and wait for him to open it before she went to find another one of hers.  Jess and I just sat back and watched and were so grateful for our kiddos.  We spent Christmas evening at Jesse's parents house.  Sierra had a blast visiting with her cousins but Jaxon and I stayed in the back on the bed most of the evening because I didn't want him to puke on anybody.  Ha!  No, really.  I had debated just staying home, but we ended up taking him and I spent the whole evening thinking I probably should have just stayed home with him.  But family Christmas is family Christmas and it just happened that this year I was the one with the pukey kid.

I hope that your Christmas was merry too.  We've all got stuff to overcome and sometimes around the holidays it just seems harder to handle.  So I hope that despite whatever struggles you or your family are up against, that you enjoyed Christmas and that the new year brings just that: a new year and a new start.

November

Bye, bye Pooh Bear.  Sierra was ready for a change to pink.  Boo :(

Enjoying the giant tub during our trip to Sunriver!

Auntie Amy let Sierra use her makeup.  Yikes.

Sunshine in Sunriver with my three favorite peeps.

Sierra's collection after our nature walk.

A Thanksgiving family picture

We managed to stay healthy for the whole month of November.  It was a miracle!  Every week that Sierra makes through of school without getting sick, we feel lucky.  She's slowly getting to the point that some days when I pick her up she's in a good mood and doesn't have a meltdown by the time we've made it home.  Those are good days!  She's getting more confident about sounding out words, and is also trying to spell out words on her own without such a worry that they are right or not.  At first, she was so concerned about them being right that she wouldn't try on her own.  It's also fun to see her working on her math skills.  We didn't do a lot of math before she went to school so it's nice to see her picking it up quickly.

We took a trip to Sunriver over the weekend prior to Veteran's day.  We don't travel very long distances because it's just really not a whole lot of fun with two little kiddos.  They don't enjoy being in the car and that makes the ride VERY long.  My parents ended up taking Sierra and so on the way, Jaxon was our only passenger.  He fell asleep for a majority of the trip so it went surprisingly well.  There was also no snow on the pass which made things go much faster.  We met my parents there as well as Kevin's family and Amy and her husband.  The kids had a blast.  They enjoyed the game room at the resort, loved the giant tub, loved being in rooms close to their Aunties and Uncles, and slept better than at home because they had a parent to snuggle up to.  There were only studio rooms available so Jess and Jaxon bunked together, and Sierra in I in another room.  The kids were in seventh heaven.  The ride home went well too.  We tried to leave close to nap time and Jaxon slept quite a bit again, and Sierra was awake most of the way but stayed very quiet.  A successful trip!

I loved the long weekend over Thanksgiving break.  It's so nice to have slow paced mornings! We got to enjoy meals with both sets of parents on Thanksgiving day and Jesse and I did a little black Friday shopping.  It was a great weekend and we were all sad when it was over. We've been cranking up the Christmas music though and next up is decorating!  I sure hope we can stay healthy in December!