January 2015

Frozen princess dress up day before school resumes

I hardly took any pictures this month.  We had another month of battling illnesses and Sierra has developed sleep apnea.  She's been waking up several times a night and all of a sudden I discovered that she quits breathing on and off all night long. It's terrifying.  Her chest sucks in, her nose flares, and she flails and gasps and breathes again for a bit and then it starts all over.  She was really sick all of December and her tonsils are giant.  So I took her to 2 different Drs and both recommended seeing an ENT.  We have an appointment scheduled for next month.  Both of the Dr's we've seen said they guessed that Sierra will need her tonsils removed.  The thought of her having surgery makes me sick to my stomach, but we've got to do something!

It's just been a rough month and here's the thing.... I'm tired.  SO tired.  I've never slept well and now like any parent of two young children and now a young puppy (Thanks Jess!) I sleep even worse.  Some days I don't know if I'm going to make it through the day without passing out from exhaustion at some point.  But I've had some revelations this month.  Some big ones.  My babies are growing up.  Quickly.  And I've had these moments of stepping back and realizing that even though they are growing up they still need me.  A lot.  And instead of being afraid of holding them too much when they were a newborn or worrying that rocking them to sleep every night would create a need for that until they were a teenager, I'm realizing that they are going to grow up and that right now, while they need me, I'm going to give in more.  And I'm going to enjoy it. 

Sierra is my firstborn and she is needy.  She has been from the second she entered the world.  Even though she is 5, she still wants me to lie with her until she goes to sleep every night, she wakes me up in the middle of the night many nights a week because she's scared or lonely, she doesn't really like it when I leave her anywhere, she still loves to be held and carried, and she needs me to walk her into class every single morning.  But she is going to grow up.  There will be a time when she doesn't come into my room in the middle of the night and whisper with her warm breath on my face, "Mommy will you come lay with me?"  There will be a day when she takes a shower and does her own thing at night and doesn't want to snuggle and talk and have me cuddle her until she falls asleep.  There will be a day when she says, "You know Mommy, I think I want to walk to class by myself."  And I'll die a little bit inside.  So.... right now, I'm going to give, even when I'm tired, even when I've had a rough day.  I'm going to give and I'm going to love it without worrying that I'm creating a dependent child that will never move out.  (Would that really be so bad?  :)

I'm going to cuddle her until she falls asleep.  It's my favorite time of day.  She talks about school, asks questions about Jesus and Heaven, tells me I'm the best mommy in the world and that she'll be my little girl forever.  I need these moments too.  I'll stumble into her room in the middle of the night and crawl into bed with her to make her feel safe without grumbling and asking, "Why can't you just stay in bed?"  To which she answered the other night in a tiny voice, "Sometimes I just need you mommy."  Well, shoot.  Yeah baby girl, I get that.  Sometimes I still need my mommy too.  And I'll get us to the school every morning, find a place to park, try to get the puppy to stay in the car while getting Jaxon out and walk her to her class so that she can have the confidence to make it through the day at school.  I'm going to keep giving because that what mommies do.  

Jaxon is at a different stage in life.  He has always been more independent.  Whether that is part of birth order or gender, I'm not sure.  I still rock him to sleep for his nap and cuddle him lots because both of my kids are super star cuddlers - but he lets Jesse put him to bed and he goes to sleep on his own.  If he wakes in the night he lets Jesse walk him back to his bed and tuck him in.  He cheerfully waves goodbye if I drop him off at his grandma's and grandpa's houses to go to the store.  But if he turns 5 and goes to school and things change, then I will do all of the same things for him.  Because the tiny little beings that I had a part in creating are growing up so stinking fast.  I can't promise that I won't complain about being tired anymore and that I won't have frustrating days where I feel tapped out, like I've given all I can.  But I'm going to keep giving and thank God every day for these beautiful creatures that he entrusted me with.  And some day when my babies are grown I know that I will not regret any of these moments of giving.

December

"Ho, Ho, Ho!"

Meet Sugar Plum (Sierra gets name credit).  Jesse slept on the floor for most of the first night because she wouldn't stop crying.

Jaxon is warming up to this little bundle pretty quickly.  When she gets tired she stops whatever she is doing and looks for someone warm to lay on.

My sweet babies who really aren't babies anymore. Sigh.

Tree decorating time!

Jaxon is having a hard time believing that the picture on the ornament is his sissy.

"Look how high I can reach mommy!"

New quilts for Christmas from Grandma Shelly (she makes them)!

Sierra made this at school (her own opinion of course)

Christmas morning!

I wish I could say that we stayed healthy for the month of December, but we didn't.  In fact there was not one day of the month that there wasn't at least one sick person in our house.  The kids had 3 different cold viruses in 4 weeks.  It was awesome.  In fact while celebrating with my family on Christmas Eve, Jaxon started acting really odd, and I realized he was running a fever.  We headed home and by the time we got there he was around 103 (Sierra had been sick the week before).  He ended up waking up Christmas morning and puking right before he opened his presents.  He's the kind of kid that has a sensitive gag reflex, and a stuffy nose can make him puke.

Jesse also decided that in the middle of winter it would be a good idea to get a new puppy.  A tiny puppy.  A four week old puppy.  It was a wonderful idea because guess who goes to work ALL day?  You know what that means, I get to train and care for a new baby, I mean puppy.  She's cute, and cuddly, but she also poops and pees A LOT.  She is like a baby and wants held most of the time and we don't have any safe place to keep her kenneled yet, so she has been going absolutely everywhere with me.  To drop Sierra off at school, to the grocery store, to get coffee.  Yes.  Coffee.  I had to break down and start drinking the stuff because I am more sleep deprived than ever.  With sick kiddos all month and a new pup, I feel like we have an infant again.  I guess we do, just a canine one.

Despite the sickness and the insanity of having a pup, we did have a lovely Christmas morning.  Christmas break was super low key.  I loved the slow paced mornings and really do love having Sierra at home.  We spent Christmas Eve with my family and it was cut short because Jaxon wasn't feeling well, but it was nice to see everyone.  Christmas morning was pretty awesome at our house.  The kids slowly opened gifts, were very thankful, and played for a little bit with each toy before they opened the next.  Sierra would open a present and then go find one of Jaxon's and wait for him to open it before she went to find another one of hers.  Jess and I just sat back and watched and were so grateful for our kiddos.  We spent Christmas evening at Jesse's parents house.  Sierra had a blast visiting with her cousins but Jaxon and I stayed in the back on the bed most of the evening because I didn't want him to puke on anybody.  Ha!  No, really.  I had debated just staying home, but we ended up taking him and I spent the whole evening thinking I probably should have just stayed home with him.  But family Christmas is family Christmas and it just happened that this year I was the one with the pukey kid.

I hope that your Christmas was merry too.  We've all got stuff to overcome and sometimes around the holidays it just seems harder to handle.  So I hope that despite whatever struggles you or your family are up against, that you enjoyed Christmas and that the new year brings just that: a new year and a new start.

November

Bye, bye Pooh Bear.  Sierra was ready for a change to pink.  Boo :(

Enjoying the giant tub during our trip to Sunriver!

Auntie Amy let Sierra use her makeup.  Yikes.

Sunshine in Sunriver with my three favorite peeps.

Sierra's collection after our nature walk.

A Thanksgiving family picture

We managed to stay healthy for the whole month of November.  It was a miracle!  Every week that Sierra makes through of school without getting sick, we feel lucky.  She's slowly getting to the point that some days when I pick her up she's in a good mood and doesn't have a meltdown by the time we've made it home.  Those are good days!  She's getting more confident about sounding out words, and is also trying to spell out words on her own without such a worry that they are right or not.  At first, she was so concerned about them being right that she wouldn't try on her own.  It's also fun to see her working on her math skills.  We didn't do a lot of math before she went to school so it's nice to see her picking it up quickly.

We took a trip to Sunriver over the weekend prior to Veteran's day.  We don't travel very long distances because it's just really not a whole lot of fun with two little kiddos.  They don't enjoy being in the car and that makes the ride VERY long.  My parents ended up taking Sierra and so on the way, Jaxon was our only passenger.  He fell asleep for a majority of the trip so it went surprisingly well.  There was also no snow on the pass which made things go much faster.  We met my parents there as well as Kevin's family and Amy and her husband.  The kids had a blast.  They enjoyed the game room at the resort, loved the giant tub, loved being in rooms close to their Aunties and Uncles, and slept better than at home because they had a parent to snuggle up to.  There were only studio rooms available so Jess and Jaxon bunked together, and Sierra in I in another room.  The kids were in seventh heaven.  The ride home went well too.  We tried to leave close to nap time and Jaxon slept quite a bit again, and Sierra was awake most of the way but stayed very quiet.  A successful trip!

I loved the long weekend over Thanksgiving break.  It's so nice to have slow paced mornings! We got to enjoy meals with both sets of parents on Thanksgiving day and Jesse and I did a little black Friday shopping.  It was a great weekend and we were all sad when it was over. We've been cranking up the Christmas music though and next up is decorating!  I sure hope we can stay healthy in December!

October

Pumpkin Patch field trip

Reading wears a girl out!

The rain is here....

My little Sous Chef

My little kitty getting ready for her first Halloween Party!

She was so excited!

Jaxon saw Sierra's face makeup and had to have some too

She was a mermaid for her school Halloween Party

The Elementary School hosted a parade and the kinders got to walk too

Jaxon loved it!

Trick-or-treating at the Elementary School

Saying goodbye to the crib.  These things are always bittersweet for a mama!

First nap in his big boy bed.  Sigh.

We made it through the first month of school!  It hasn't been easy and I still feel like we are adjusting.  Sierra does great at school but still has meltdowns on the way/as soon as she gets home.  Last month she would come home eat lunch and crash and still take a nap.  But this month I've been trying to keep her up and not let her nap in hopes that she'll go to bed earlier and maybe sleep in a tad bit later.  I can't imagine what sending the poor girl to all day kinder would do to her!  I'm sure we'd all survive, but this half day stuff is enough!  There are still days that I find her sleeping when I come out from putting Jaxon down for his nap.  I have to admit that however short these moments of down time are for me, I am grateful.  My checkbook hasn't been balanced in forever, I've almost given up on coupons because I just don't have the time.  I will admit though, sometimes if I have 15 minutes to myself, I sit in the quiet and eat chocolate.  :)

Sierra had her first field trip for school and I got to go with her to the pumpkin patch.  She was so excited that I got to go and even ride the bus with her.  It ended up being a beautiful day and was really fun!  I also started volunteering on Thursdays from 9 to 12 in her class.  She loves having me there but is very independent.  I always get a hug when I show up but she is good at doing her work without being distracted and usually goes off and plays with her friends during recess while I try to keep some of the kiddos company that aren't so social.

This is the first experience for me with kindergartners and I have to say that the teachers sure have a difficult job!  Sierra has 22 kids in her class and it just seems like way too many.  There are a few kids that struggle and act out and the teacher has to stop teaching ALL the other students to handle the situation.  So my job has been to try and deal with those situations so the teacher can continue to teach.  The first day was pretty stressful, but as the kiddos get to know me better, it has gone a lot better.  I'm enjoying watching Sierra learn and it's good for me to see how she interacts with other kids.  I've been so relieved to see her do so well and be so independent even when I'm in the classroom. It's also been good for Jaxon to get to spend some time away from mommy and have fun with his Grandmas.  I wouldn't be able to volunteer if they weren't both close by, so I am so grateful!

Jaxon has been going through a difficult time at bedtime.  He's usually so good at going to bed by himself, but all of a sudden this month when we'd go to put him in his crib he'd panic.  He'd scream and shake and talk about shapes on the ceiling and noises.  I have no idea what set him off but it's sad to see and exhausting!  So we decided to get rid of his crib and put him in a twin bed.  Maybe not the best time to do it, but we didn't know what else to do.  We spent hours trying to console him and get him to sleep but nothing seemed to help, so we hoped the fact that he was in a bed he could get out of would make him feel more secure.  It was still a huge change and we are still trying to get him used to it.  At first he would come into our room 3 or 4 times a night.  One of us would have to walk him back to bed and then he would fuss and need us to lay down with him because he was scared.  In the end Jesse kind of took over putting him to bed and walking him back to bed at night.  He doesn't give in quite as easily as mommy :)  We are making progress, but whew!  He was waking more than an infant!

Halloween was really enjoyable this year!  Jaxon and I watched Sierra parade through the elementary school first thing in the morning with the other students and then Jaxon spent the rest of the morning with his Grandma Shelly while I went with Sierra to her school Halloween party.  After school while Jaxon napped, Sierra trick-or-treated at the downtown Philomath businesses.  After dinner we took the kids to the Elementary school for some trick-or-treating and games.  When we were done at the school Sierra decided that she hadn't had enough so I took her to a few of the houses close by.  It was a very busy but enjoyable day and she fell asleep within about 30 seconds of going to bed!  Jaxon has turned into such a social boy and really enjoyed the whole process.  His sissy has been a great example to him and he is now a friendly and social little boy.  He still scares much easier than his sister but I have loved watching him coming out of his shell.

 It's hard to believe that next month is November!  Guess what that means?  Christmas carols!  Woohoo :)