March

We took a four day trip to the coast right before Jess went back to work

Both of the kids had a blast!

Sierra chose a cricket lolly after watching an episode of "How it's Made" with her daddy.

Family picture fail.  Thanks Sierra!

Quite a view!

Sierra still talks about the "orange moving van" as her favorite part of the whole trip!

Tillamook Cheese Factory icecream!

Tillamook Air Museum

Big boy!

Helping plant peas

They share so nicely!

Oh, wait.....

Maybe they are just normal siblings after all!

It's mine!

Mommy, Jaxon's not sharing. 

Giant Easter bunny cookies!

He loves pushing his sissy around on the firetruck!

Spring daffodils are so beautiful!

Must pick all the flowers.

It may be a few years before my flower beds look pretty again.

Did I do that?

Happy boy in the wagon.

Peas!  They are coming up!

Rhubarb will be ready to harvest soon.

Sierra's Easter basket

Jaxon's Easter present in lieu of a basket.  I got this for $5 at Kmart (Regularly $50)!

First taste of a peep

Easter pics

Jaxon's eggs were filled with yogurt melts!  He figured out how to open them very quickly!

With Jesse feeling well after surgery and about to go back to work, we took a trip to coast with Jesse's parents the first week of March.  We stayed in a house on the beach in Lincoln City.  Sierra was in heaven!  She loved everything about the vacation and every night told us that she wanted to stay for lots and lots more days and didn't want to go home.  She slept on a mattress on the floor in our bedroom which was SUPER special to her and she loved the house, the beach, an all parties involved.  Jaxon enjoyed it too but it was a little more difficult for him to adjust to the change of scenery.  There were lots of stairs and the home was not baby proof, so we really had to keep a close eye on him and he had trouble falling asleep.  But other than that he did great.  I got sick the day before we left and didn't sleep well, but did have the luxury of not having to get up with the kids:)

Jesse returned to work on the 12th. The week before, Jesse, Jaxon, and I all ended up getting the stomach flu one day apart.  Sierra was spared.  We sent her away for a night with my parents in hopes that she would would avoid the evil bug and I cleaned the house up as best as I could.  Jesse got sick first and I was afraid something was wrong with his guts, and then when I started getting sick, in a way I was relieved but also terrified that the kids would come down with it too.  Jaxon had a mild version of what us adults had and he handled it very well.  Sometimes it seems like we keep getting repeatedly kicked while we are down.  But we survived and Jesse went back to work.  It was a big adjustment again.  The kids and I got used to having him home!  This time around, he felt so well after surgery that it was like having the old Jesse back.  Despite his lifting and bending restrictions, he was still a huge help with the kids and I missed having backup on a daily basis!  The kids missed having a 1:1 parent-child ratio. 

After two weeks of being back at work, feeling like life was headed back in a somewhat normal direction, Jesse started having stomach pain on a Saturday, in the same exact area as all of the times before surgery. And then he got a fever.  We decided to wait overnight and see what happened.  His fever continued through the night and the pain didn't change so I called the surgeon Sunday morning and the on call Dr told us to go to the OHSU ER.  Post op complications are very rare this long after surgery (2 months).  Usually if you are going to "spring a leak" or get an infection it's right after surgery.  But it's not unheard of.  We dropped the kiddos off at my parents and headed up to Portland.  After Jesse's many hospital stays over the last 7 months, I have seen him low in spirits, but this brought him to a new low.  After surgery, this was supposed to be it!  He was supposed to be as good as new.  This brought the Crohn's fear back into our life and more questions than answers.  It was devastating.

After some testing in the ER (blood tests and a CT) they determined that he had another micro-perforation in his small bowel and an infection that included his liver this time.  The pain was not as severe as it had been in the past, this was a blessing.  They checked him into the hospital and put him on more high doses of antibiotics and said that we would go from there.

We saw three teams of Drs.  The surgical team (the same team that performed his surgery).  Basically his surgeon came in and said, "You have Crohn's.  There's no doubt in my mind.  But you do not need surgery at this point, so you are released from my care and will be seeing a very good Gastro specialist who will be your diagnosing Dr."  More devastating news, but news we had expected, and at least it was an answer with some known courses of action.  We also saw the internal medicine group and the gastro group.  Both of these groups were not convinced that it was Crohn's.  They said usually Crohn's flares do not get better with antibiotics.  And each time Jesse has been in the hospital, after getting antibiotics he starts to get better.  They tested him for parasites, asked if he had ever had Tuberculosis, did more blood testing, and nothing came back conclusive.  They also said that Crohn's patients do not usually have a healthy looking ileum and when Jesse was in the hospital for a week down here, his colonoscopy showed a normal looking ileum despite the other inflammation in his bowels.  The thing is, if it's not Crohn's, they have no idea what "it" is.  After 4 days in the hospital, Jesse's fever went away, and his pain was minimal, so they sent him home with a course of antibiotics (5 pills a day for a month) and he will have a follow up CT scan in a month, and then a follow up appointment with the gastro team.  The uncertainty of life has returned.  I guess this is our new normal.

The good news is he made it home in time for Easter.  The bad news is the day that we returned home Sierra started getting sick.  I took her to the Dr on Friday to find out she had strep throat.  Remember how I was bragging about neither of my kids ever being on antibiotics last month?  Well that is no longer a fact I can claim.

After taking so much time off of work, he was unable to take any more, and he went back to work the following Monday (he came home from the hosp on Wed).  To be honest I don't know how to feel or how to pray.  We obviously want answers.  Crohn's is a serious and life long fight, but at least it is a diagnosis and there is a coarse of action we can take.  Unknowns are terrifying!  Sometimes I feel so frustrated that we have had to have so many other sicknesses on top of what Jesse is going through.  I mean it seems like our family should be immune to this crap when we are dealing with other major medical issues.  I realize that is not how life goes, but I'm tired.  And I'm angry.  And I'm trying not be to be these things.  I'm trying to be a strong wife and a strong mother.  What good would I be as an emotional mess?  That would not helps things at all.  But in an effort to be strong, and turn certain feelings off, more anger seeps in.  You know that saying, this too shall pass?  I'm really starting to wonder if ever will.