April

Yay for Spring!

What?  I have hot chocolate on my face?

Learned to use her scissors the right way.

Happy, clean baby.

Fun in GG's tree.

Planting peas with daddy.

Coloring eggs

Her Easter ensemble

Daddy looks so good in a bonnet!

LOVE!

Easter basket of fun!

Easter basket of sweetness!

My two favorite boys.

Easter fun with daddy.

 

Four generations!

Child labor....

 

Cuddles:)

Happy, sweet boy!

 

Joy!

 

Monkey see

Monkey do

Warm and cozy with mommy. 

More smiles!

The two prettiest flowers.

 

It's funny to me that one worry of having another baby was that I wouldn't have enough love for 2.  After having Sierra I was pretty sure my love was all used up.  The love of a child is so all encompassing and overwhelming.  It's a love that I had never experienced until Sierra came along.  I love Jesus, I love my family, and I love my husband with all of my might, but when you give birth and hold that baby that you created, that is literally a part of you, there is just no comparison.  It's the kind of love that you would give your own life for in a split second.  Once you've loved like that it's hard to believe that there's room for any more.  I've talked to lots of mamas that have had this same worry.  But something happens again when you hold your new baby in your arms for the first time.  Your heart grows three sizes or de-fragments its hard drive to make room for more love.  Lots more of it.  At first your love for your baby is something that God has given to mommies and daddies but as your child grows and you learn more about them and their personality begins to emerge that love intensifies even more.  

Jaxon is growing and I am learning more and more about him.  He is a patient boy.  He doesn't fuss when I stop nursing to burp him, or switch to the other side.  He doesn't mind having his diaper changed or when I dress him.  He falls asleep almost instantly if we put him in the car and he might cry a little bit when he's tired, but usually you just pick him up, hold him to your chest and he will fall right to sleep.  He loves to cuddle and be close.  He prefers to be held pretty much always, even when he is taking a nap.  He's not a huge fan of his binky and mostly just wants to suck on his fists.  He's a happy little guy and it's so easy to get him to smile.  He smiles with his whole body!  He grins, waves his arms, kicks his feet, and wiggles with joy. 

He started going to bed earlier this month and started sleeping for 8 hours some nights!  He generally goes to bed between 8:30 and 10:00 and usually wakes around 4 to nurse, then sleeps until between 7 and 8.  He really has no nap time schedule whatsoever.  He doesn't nap for very long because he usually gets put down when he falls asleep and will only nap for 20 minutes.  If I held him while he slept, I think he'd sleep forever.  I remember going through the same thing with Sierra though - the difference was she was my only kiddo, and I was able to hold her while she slept.  

The novelty of having a new baby brother has worn off in some ways for Sierra and this was kind of a rough month for her.  She has gotten tired of being told to be quiet while Jaxon sleeps and tends to get louder when he is resting.  Maybe this is part of the reason he only sleeps 20 minutes at a time:)  She has started talking pretty nasty to me at times.  Sometimes I want to stoop to her level and say something nasty back, other times I want to go curl up and cry, and sometimes I just kind of stare at her with a weary look because I don't have the energy to tell her for the millionth time that she cannot talk to me that way.  She still is kind to her brother and one of her favorite activities includes me telling Jaxon everything that she is doing.  "Look buddy, sissy just clapped her hands/touched her toes/picked her nose."  If I forget to tell him, she is quick to say, "Mommy, tell it to Jaxon!" And then asks, "What did he say mommy?"

One thing that has improved this month (on most days) is that Sierra is doing better at going down for her nap without me lying beside her.  At first it was really tough and most days I would end up with both of them crying their eyes out.  I was running back and forth from room to room trying to keep them both from fussing and I failed miserably.  But Sierra has learned that most days all I can do is give her a kiss and that she will have to go to sleep without my presence.  This has helped my sanity immensely.  She is also learning to be more independent and self sufficient.  She washes her hands by herself, can go peepee without my help, gets in her car seat while I'm loading Jaxon into the car, and she plays more and more by herself.  She is growing up so fast.  I go from feeling elated and so proud that she did something herself, to wanting to weep a few seconds later because it seems like she's grown up already.  It constantly amazes me, the crazy swing of emotions that being a parent brings out in you.

Sierra is also currently in the beloved WHY stage.  Why, when, how, where, and why again.  Holy moly!  I know it is normal, and I hear mom's talk about it all the time but I did not expect it to be so extreme.  At the end of the day I'm so exhausted from answering her why's that I think my head will spontaneously combust.  The car is the absolute worst place.  She asks a million questions, a mile a minute, and if she can't think of a new why, she'll start over on ones she's already asked.  We were at the swimming pool the other day and now that I have my hands full with a baby car seat, swimming bags, my purse, etc, I have a hard time always holding her hand in the parking lot.  She started to run off and I yelled, "Sierra stop!"  She without slowing called out, "Why?"  I was frustrated and terrified and yelled back in a loud borderline hysteric voice, "Stop right now, you do not get to ask why.  When I say stop you stop!"  A lady was on her way to the car and looked at me like I was a horrible mother.  She must not have been a mom!  But still, I do find myself more and more wanting to hang my head.  I've always worked so hard to be calm and not raise my voice to Sierra, but right now that has become impossible.  The funny thing is, Sierra did stop and turn around to look at me, but guess what her response was.  "Why?"  On a positive note, she is doing GREAT in the pool.  She wears her little orange floaties but is getting more and more confident.  She has learned to get onto her back and doggy paddles around the deep end without being held on to.

There are days that I have the energy to answer her questions, and there are days that I do not.  But even on those days that my patience is super thin and I find myself saying "Just because!"  There will be moments when she spouts off something profound and I realize she really is learning and her growing brain is soaking up my answers like a sponge.  "Fir trees are green  all  year, but oak trees lose their leaves."  "We wash our hands after touching chicken eggs because they come out by their bottoms.  And if the mommy chicken sits on the egg and keeps it warm a baby will hatch."  "Worms poop dirt because they eat dirt.  We all poop right mommy?"  "If an ambulance can't help someone with an owie, a helicopter takes them to the hospital."  "We are all getting older but daddy is getting really older."  There are a million of these that I could share!

Jaxon has started cooing this month and I've squeaked a few giggles out of him.  They are still few and far between, but sooo cute!  He is extremely ticklish and so just putting his socks on gets him really squirming.  He is also really sensitive to warm water.  I have to make the water borderline cold or he sucks all the out of the room and then screams when I put him in his bath.  I can usually talk him out of his fuss after he's been in for a few minutes.  Each time I make the water colder and colder, and he still is not a fan when it first touches his skin.  He is also starting to really reach for things but does not quite have the coordination to grab them yet.   He weighed 11 lbs 8 oz at his 2 month appointment and is 24.25 in long (Sierra was 10lbs 9oz and 24 in).

I'm starting to get the hang of being a mother of two - and made a trip to the doctor (an appt for me) with both kiddos by myself but I still have not braved the grocery store with the two of them alone.  There are still moments every day that make me feel overwhelmed and like I will never get the hang of this new life, but we are figuring things out every day and doing quite well as a family of 4.