February

I'm a big sister now!  I can't wait to teach my brother to be cool like me!

The boys needed some rest.

Sierra was sooo happy to have daddy home for a couple of weeks!

A trip to bounce house.

Climbing all by herself.

Jaxon's first bath at home.

"Shhhh"

Such a loving big sister.

Does your heart just about explode when you look at his pic?  Mine does!

A smile for mama.  His eyes were open but he did not like the flash!

"Ahh he holding my hand."

Hello big world!

Holds his head up like a big boy.

Sweet baby boy.

It's hard to sleep with all this racket!

He's a hungry boy!

Love

 

13 Days Old

I love the smell of new babies.  The way they smile in their sleep and the tiny noises they make while lying on your chest.  I love their tiny perfect hands and feet.  It's precious to watch them curl up in a tiny ball and realize that only days before they were in that position inside of the womb.  I can't get over their tiny fury bodies and the softness of their skin.  Did I mention that they smell like heaven?  Mmmmm.

Not only was my delivery different last time, but so is life itself.  With Sierra I was a new mommy trying to figure out how to adjust to this dramatic change in my life.  I had a baby that had tummy problems and cried most of her waking hours.  I was in pain and healing took forever.  I struggled with everything - and instead of holding onto moments, I wished they would pass faster.  I still feel guilty when I think back - but I did the best that I could and I survived.  But that's what life was like at the start of my new journey of being a mom - it was about survival.  Things are so different this time.  Partially because Jaxon does not have the tummy pain that Sierra suffered from, but I'm also a different person.  I've been there, done that, and like I said, survived. And I know I will this time too.

Jaxon is a super laid back baby.  He mostly sleeps and usually only fusses if he is hungry.  The first couple of weeks were difficult at night because he didn't like sleeping in his own bed.  He much preferred sleeping right next to mommy.  I was exhausted, and I would try starting him out in his own bed, but when he would wake right back up I eventually let him sleep with me so I could at least get a little bit of sleep.  I kept trying though - and within a few weeks he was used to his own bed (it's right beside mine) and now sleeps in there just fine. 

We took him to the Dr. at two weeks and he is doing great.  He was at 9lbs 4oz, not quite back up to his birth weight but the Dr wasn't worried at all.  He said he is a super healthy boy.  He does have slight umbilical and abdominal hernias, but they don't bother him and the Dr said they should go away by the time he is two.  He is a super strong boy and started rolling over onto his tummy from his back at 5 days old (he prefers laying on his side or tummy rather than his back) and he can hold his head up really well.  The first night at the hospital I was trying to burp him and he held his up like it was no big deal.

Being the big boy that he is, he likes to eat.  And he likes to eat A LOT.  He nurses for about 45 minutes and wants to nurse every two hours (from the start of his last feeding).  I try to fill him up during the day so he doesn't need quite as much at night.  After the first week or so he was waking 2 or 3 times in the night to eat. 

Sierra caught a cold when Jaxon was only 2 weeks old.  I almost had a heart attack because we have been super careful lately.  By the time he was 3 weeks old he had it too.  We took him to the Dr and mostly the Dr just said to continue to nurse him and that it would run his course and build up his immune system.  He never got a fever, and has been able to eat just fine, but it's hard to see him sick.  Sierra never really had a cold until after she was 1.  But we didn't really go anywhere with her either.  At his 3 week appointment he weighed 9lbs 11oz.  He measured 20.5 inches at the hospital which was shorter than Sierra was when she was born but over a pound more.  They were going to remeasure him but never did.  At his 2 week appt he was 22 inches, so he either grew 1.5 in two weeks, or they measured him incorrectly at the hospital. 

Sierra has been an amazing big sister.  She loves to hug and kiss him (impossible to not spread germs) and wants him to be wherever she is.  At first she would ask if we would put him on the floor with her to play:)  We've had to do a lot of explaining about babies and she has learned a lot.  She will sometimes act out if Jesse and I are both focusing on Jaxon - but she has been super.  She misses her mommy time and gets frustrated when I cannot play or put her to bed, but she never shows any animosity towards her brother.  It is hard for her to understand just how gentle she needs to be with him, but she is learning fast.  Luckily, he is a super sound sleeper and can sleep through her squeals, and sometimes ever her recorder playing, so we don't have to constantly tell her to be quiet.  I'm so proud of her and know that when he gets old enough they will have great fun together.  She is such a nurturer, and I know she will be a fun big sister, but a very loving one too.  I'm not saying they won't argue - but I feel confident that they will be great playmates.

I'm feeling pretty confident right now as a mommy of two, but that's mostly because I have my wonderful husband home to help.  He has 3 weeks off and when I think about him having to go back to work, my throat sort of closes up.  What will I do at nap time, lunch time, if I'm changing a diaper and Sierra has to go potty too?  And right now when I'm nursing or changing Jaxon, daddy is right there to play with Sierra.  What happens when she has to play by herself most of the day because I'm feeding her brother?  These thoughts give me heart palpitations, and I'm pretty sure that she is going to feel like her world is ending.  Guilt again.  Do you see a trend?  That is definitely one of my struggles in life.  I just want her to feel just as loved as she was before Jaxon, and even though my love has not changed towards her at all, my time will be less, and I don't want her to suffer from that. 

We have definitely enjoyed the time that Jess has been home.  It's nice to have two sets of hands for two children, support when I crumble from crazy hormones or lack of sleep, and someone to help with the household duties during the day.  I wish we were independently wealthy and he could afford to stay home every day.  Cause it's pretty great.  He got to come to Jaxon's Dr appointments with me, run to the grocery store, we took Sierra swimming and to the bounce house - things daddy usually doesn't get to be a part of during the week.  Hopefully I don't fall apart when he goes back to work!

All in all going from a family of 3 to a family of 4 has been beautiful.  I am thankful for a baby without pain, the sweet and caring big sister that Sierra has become, and the rock of partner I have in Jesse.  As for being a mommy of two without Jesse home, to be continued.......